Food jokes
What’s your favorite food? Chode in the hole?
I asked my mom to make me a brat. She was sleepy but I said do it anyway. My mom and my dad had fucked last night so he was on the couch but naked. She took a knife and sliced his dick, then put it on a bun, then ketchup and mustard. I said this tasted funny. She was snoring, then I threw it and said, "EW IS THIS A DICK WHAT THE FUCK AHHH!!!!?!?!!!!"
Ever since that day, they haven't fucked again because he ain't got nun to fuck with.
Why do I have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy?
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.
What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?
You need more dressing.
Knock, knock.
Moon, give me cheese.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What do you call a fat man that has a stomach shaped like an egg?
Humpty Dumpty!
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
Why did the orange stop? Because it ran out of juice.
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Act like a nut.
(Psst! Heard this joke before? Sorry! That's the only nut-and-squirrel joke I know.)
Orange: Hey Apple, Apple, hey Apple.
Apple: What?
Orange: Orange you glad I didn't say "Apple" again? Hahaha!
Little Johnny's father says if them boys say another bad word, I'm going to whoop them, and Little Johnny's brother says, "I'd like some fucking food," and he whooped him, and Little Johnny says, "He would. I'd like some food. At least I didn't—I'd like some fucking food. Bye."
Me: Hey, apple.
Apple: What?
Me: Knife.
Apple: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Hey, wanna read here? Have a comet book.