Food jokes
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.
Until I threw a watermelon in her face.
Why did the rape victim stop eating pears?
Because she was told that if you rearrange the letters "PEAR," it spells "rape."
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple tray? The apple tray gets picked.
I wrote a song about tortillas...
Actually, it's more of a wrap.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
What do apples and orphans have in common?
The apple gets picked.
What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?
Only one moans when I put my meat in it.
I wrote a song about a tortilla yesterday, but it’s actually more of a rap.
Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing away the bent ones!
Why are bears' hair so sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
If a vegan and a vegan have a fight, is it still considered beef?
Why were the people in 911 devastated?
They ordered extra flavored pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
How did the flapjack feel when syrup was drizzled on him?
Butter.
"You’re the milk to my cookies."
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
What's an Asian's favorite food place?
Answer: Petco
This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.