The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*
Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?
A: No, what happened?
Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!
What did the janitor think when he was mopping the 101st floor?
The 102nd.
What do you call a door? A floor.
If you drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean, or is the soap dirty?
She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
Why do crack heads like to do it doggy style?
So one can peep out window and one can peep on floor.
Me: Which WiFi are we on?
Coworker: Should be floor 89.
Me: What about flight 104?
Coworker: Oh crap!
What went through the heads of the people on the 142nd floor during 9/11?
The 143rd floor.
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.
Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
Best friend makes joke about 9/11.
Me: My pop was a part of that!
Best friend: So sorry!
Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.
When I get home from school, I always lay on my floor crying and wishing I was dead.
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
Why did the mop lick the floor of the bathroom? Because it was so poopy.
Steven Hawking's Sesh Cave, entry 50p, guaranteed Budweiser and ecstasy. Maybe a gram of heroin. You'll most likely see a mental 90-year-old guy absolutely going mental on the dance floor with a Stella in one hand and another on his crotch.
