Floor jokes

Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?

Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

What world record did the people in 9/11 get?

The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

There were two twins, and they were both very tall.

The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.

The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.

Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.

David: I will surpass Kakarot!

Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*

Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?

A: No, what happened?

Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!

Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...

What went through the heads of the people on the 142nd floor during 9/11?

The 143rd floor.

She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.

Why do crack heads like to do it doggy style?

So one can peep out window and one can peep on floor.

When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*

If you drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean, or is the soap dirty?

What did the janitor think when he was mopping the 101st floor?

The 102nd.

What do you call a door? A floor.

Me: Which WiFi are we on?

Coworker: Should be floor 89.

Me: What about flight 104?

Coworker: Oh crap!

Your mom was absolutely getting drilled by me on the living room floor last night.

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.

Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.

He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.

Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.

Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.

Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.