Finger jokes
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J!" Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter "go buy yourself something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice!" They both look at Craig as he pulls out a letter. Craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THEIR BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throws down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"
What do lesbians do while having their period?
They finger paint.
What do KFC and pussy have in common?
Both are finger lickin' good, and after you are done eating, you have a box to put the bone in.
Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.
When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
My dad is so good at instruments, he said he loves to finger "a minor."
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
You use your legs as support, you count on your fingers.
This is a joke to tell to someone with you or something. SOMEONE will laugh. Say: "This word isn't gonna be funny until I tell you, your probably not going to laugh." *your friend* "what's the word?" *you* "finger" *friend* *dies of laughter*. *note* it works better if you wiggle your finger or something before and not everyone laughs, so don't feel bad if they don't. Also, don't be surprised if you get put in jail for murder, because you're going to kill someone with this.
You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.