Finger jokes

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!

Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?

Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?

She was drunk.

Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?

Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?

Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?

Because they are good at fingering A minor.

A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."

What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?

Kentucky Fried Children!

What's it called when you eat those same babies?

Finger Lickin' Good!

Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!

What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

I can only fit three fingers inside the bowling ball.

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

What's the best finger for fingering A minor?

Yo mama so poor that when she went to KFC, she had to lick other people's fingers.

Two friends are in a hospital lobby. Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying.

Friend 1: "*crying hysterically*"

Friend 2: "Why are you crying?"

Friend 1: "I came here for a blood test."

Friend 2: "So? Are you afraid?"

Friend 1: "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."

Friend 2: "*crying hysterically*"

Friend 1: "Why are you crying?"

Friend 2: "I came here for a urine test."

Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?

Getting your fingers stuck in there.

What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?

Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

The reason they attacked the towers is because the terrorists thought the towers were giant middle fingers pointed at them. What silly saudis!

What's a lesbian's favorite weapon?

A finger-gun👉👌

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

Why is the blind kid popular?

He can't see the middle fingers.