Palm jokes

Are your hands feeling heavy? Because I can hold them for you.

I said "Uranus!" and the girl beside me face-palmed. I wonder what I did wrong?

OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.

What kind of tree fits into your hand? A palm tree.

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

What kind of tree can you High-Five?

A palm tree.

I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this one's gonna blow!

Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?

Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”

He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.

EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.

WebMD: Cancer.

I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*

What's the difference between leafmen and leafwomen? Palm trees.

Watersharky Music Productions Presents As It Was by Harry Styles.

Holdin' me back Gravity's holdin' me back I want you to hold out the palm of your hand Why don't we leave it at that?

Nothin' to say When everything gets in the way Seems you cannot be replaced And I'm the one who will stay, oh-oh-oh

In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same

Answer the phone "Harry, you're no good alone Why are you sitting at home on the floor? What kind of pills are you on?"

Ringin' the bell And nobody's coming to help Your daddy lives by himself He just wants to know that you're well, oh-oh-oh

In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same

Go home, get ahead, light-speed internet I don't wanna talk about the way that it was Leave America, two kids follow her I don't wanna talk about who's doin' it first.

What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?

When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.

when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.

I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡

Do trees shit?

Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?

People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."

Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."

So, Duracell batteries do run out.