Film jokes
What did the booty say to the chair?
"You complete me!"
Bra eat E.T.?
What would the main character from Martin Scorsese's Taxi Driver be named if he was a Mexican?
Travis Spick-le.
What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
Your mom is so fat, she looks like she ate the marshmallow from Ghostbusters.
Why didn't the movie star argue with the customer service clerk?
He didn't have a good counter act!
If Joey Deacon made his own company, it would be called The Joey Deacon Company; Walt Disney should have a run for its money.
P.S. The Joey Deacon Pictures logo would have some autistic people making noises to "When You Wish Upon A Star", with the castle being the Blue Peter ship instead.
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"
I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
What's the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can phone home.
Have you heard of the movie "Constipation"?
No?
Because it hasn't come out yet.
What's an orphan's second favorite movie?
Home Alone 2.
If your hot dog taste like a piece of wood, who you gonna call?
GHOST MUSTERD
Q: Why do orphans hate Fast and Furious movies?
A: Because they say "family" too often.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
Harry Potter is a movie about a grown adult man with an unhealthy obsession with a teenage boy.