Fear jokes
Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.
I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.
Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”
Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”
I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.
When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.
You won't feel lonely anymore :(
"Don't worry! Life goes on."
"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."
The only thing flat earthers have to fear...
... is a sphere itself.
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?
Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.
Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
I looked in the mirror yesterday. I still have nightmares...
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
Don't be scared of skeletons.
They don't have the guts for murder.
Do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? Why? Because 7 ate 9 (8).
Do you know why 10 is scared? Why? Because he is between 9 and 11.
Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?
Because he'd lose his sense of smell.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."