Fear jokes
You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.
Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.
Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?
Because a black person was approaching.
In the realm where words wander free, A tale unfolds, unbounded and carefree, Jayden, a curious soul, embarks on a quest, An enigmatic journey, where desires manifest.
Marching through the corridors of cyberspace, He delves into realms of passion and grace, With a click and a glance, a world awakes, As pixels dance, his curiosity takes.
In the dimly lit room, shadows play, Jayden surrenders to this clandestine display, A voyeur to fantasies, unspoken and raw, He gazes upon screens, an uncharted draw.
Whispers of temptation echo in his ears, As he navigates through fantasies and fears, The allure of the forbidden, an intoxicating call, Jayden's senses entangled, in a mesmerizing thrall.
But amidst the symphony of moans and sighs, A realization dawns, awakening his eyes, For behind the allure, a truth is revealed, In the depths of this world, a heart left concealed.
Within the flickering scenes of pleasure's masquerade, Lies a yearning for connection, a soul's crusade, Jayden, march forward, beyond the screens, Seek the embrace of love, where true beauty gleams.
For within the realm of flesh and bone, A deeper fulfillment can truly be known, In the tender touch, in the warmth of a kiss, Lies a bliss beyond pixels, a love that won't dismiss.
So, let Jayden march, with newfound grace, From the fantasies that once held his embrace, For the world awaits, with its wonders untold, Where love reigns supreme, a story yet to unfold.
This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.
Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.
Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...
I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset about it. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.
Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and left. Right.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.
They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put down.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
What’s the difference between a hipster and a football player? A football player showers.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school? Because he’s dead.
Your hairline is so messed up, it made Jeffrey Dahmer cry.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
Why is six scared of seven? Because 7 8 9.
Then why was 10 scared? Because he was between 9/11.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7’s a cunt.
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.
What's a Ninja's worst fear?
Garmadon actually winning.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
I threw a boomerang two years ago... I live in constant fear.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫