Fear jokes
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7’s a cunt.
Why is every number scared of 7?
Because 7 "ate" 9.
Why can't ghosts stay happy? Because they are too skeletal.
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow… then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally… you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.
When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨
Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
Everybody was kung flu dying.
It traveled as fast as lightning.
2020 was expert timing.
In fact, it was a little bit frightening.
I be ready to commit suicide.
But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.
People who are afraid of pedophiles... need to grow up.
Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."
I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.
Little Timmy walked in on his parents having sex. His parents look at him in fear. Little Timmy asks, "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?"
The mom replies with, "We are playing house. We'll let you play when you're older," the dad says. So the next day Timmy goes over to play with his friend Johnny, who was, ironically, Timmy's neighbor. Johnny asks, "How was your sleep last night?" "I saw my mom and dad playing house last night," Timmy says. "But they told me I could play with them when I'm older."
After a little bit of playing with Johnny, Timmy went home and saw his Dad playing house with his babysitter. "Dad, what are you doing?" Timmy asks. "I'm playing house with your babysitter," Timmy's Dad said. "But I saw you play house with Mom last night," Timmy told his father. "Well, don't tell your mother," his dad said.
If 7, 8, 9, why was 10 afraid?
It was between 9/11.
Are all orphans home-a-phobic?
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."
Like if you are scared of Covid-19.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Why was Balls afraid of Magic?
Because Magic eight Balls.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.