Fear jokes
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.
Q. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?
A. Calculus homework.
Why is 10 so scared? Cause it was in the middle of 9/11.
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Seven is a registered six-offender.
Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?
I went on a walk last night with a really hot girl. Then she noticed me, and we went for a run.
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
You're so scary that even your hairline ran away.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?
Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"
Why was ten scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.