Fear jokes
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
Most people are scared of clowns. That's why everyone runs away from you.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.
He scares the shit out of it.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
Death once had a near Chuck experience.
When the school shooter misses you, but you gotta play it off.
😐😑
Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.
Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
What are the similarities between a 14-year-old pregnant girl and her unborn fetus?
They are both thinking, "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me."
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.
Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.