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Fear

Fear jokes

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn't have the guts to do it.

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

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    • A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"

    What if you put a scared homosexual guy and an angry homophobic guy inside a stable?

    Hmm, let's see, if the homosexual guy has some good luck, maybe he will meet a super unicorn and help him out to defeat the angry homophobic guy :D

    Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).

    As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.

    Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.

    He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"

    Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."

    St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

    Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.

    "Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.

    Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.

    Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?

    Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?

    Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"

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    • A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."

    What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?

    They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”

    What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"

    I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

    Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?

    Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."

    A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.

    The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"

    I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.