Father jokes
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
What do you call an octopus dad?
An octodad.
I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.
Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?
Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
Why do orphans like belts?
They remind them of their father.
A father of a young girl comes and meets the doctor.
Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?
Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.
Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad. He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
Father, then the priest says, "Son, Holy Spirit, amen." No, I was asking you a question, Father.
What do orphans and sperm donor kids have in common? They don't have dads.
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
Papa: Johnny, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, Papa?
Papa: Open wide.
Johnny: HAHAHA.
Papa: *unzips pants*
Johnny: *crying* No, Papa!
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money.
Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole.
The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money.
The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money, you worthless old fart?”