Father jokes
Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
Why do orphans love McDonald's?
Because the initials are like "mother" and "father."
I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.
You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.
Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
What's the difference between a boomerang and a Black father?
A boomerang comes back.
Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.
Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.
Why can't orphans stand Darth Vader?
Because he's their father.
I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"
Mom replied with, "That's your father."
What do Indians call their father when they are born?
Data.
You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!