Fat jokes
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
Your mama is so fat, when scientists discovered her, they thought it was a new galaxy.
You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.
"You need to cease, all those fat cuz u obese."
Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat that she had to wear a yellow jacket and everyone shouted, "Taxi!"
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?
Ama
My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.
Yo mama so fat I bet if she farted, the whole Universe go Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-BOOM.
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.
Obese is the N-word for fat people.
Rapboat so fat he got more chins than Chinatown.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sat down there was a big earthquake.