Fat jokes
I bet you go grocery shopping at the Twinkie Factory.
You're so fat,
when you stepped on the scale,
Buzz Lightyear came out and said,
"To infinity and beyond!"
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.
Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.
Your mum is so fat that when she looks in the mirror, the mirror cracked!
You're so fat that when you got on the scales, they said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
Yo mama so fat, she the reason why Moses split the Red Sea.
Yo mama so fat, she fell off the judgement room and broke the 7 layers of hell.
You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
Your mom is so fat that she cannot look at her feet when taking a shower.
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
Yo mama is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl and a plate and ketchup to the red zone.
Yo mama so fat that she broke the scale when she put one foot on it.
Joe mama so fat, she could not walk the stairs of heaven.
Credits: to my friend.
Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.