My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

Your hairline is so far back that it goes all the way across the globe.

In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He drove too far away from the power point/modem.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.

The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

"Yellow and far apart."

Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)

You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”