Famous jokes
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
When I cut vegetables for my famous stew, I don’t know why everyone in the nursing home is always looking at me.
The Smithsonian has 3 notable articles of clothing on display: Mr. Rodger's sweater, Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt, and Stephen Hawking's drool rag.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"
If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?
Girl: I’m so in love with you!
Boy: Me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot.
Girl: What’s the ijk?
Boy: I’m just kidding.
I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...
Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
What famous book writer for kids loved insects?
Beatrix Potter.
What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?
Vin Diesel has family.
There are 4 people on a plane while it's crashing and there are only 3 parachutes. There's Opera, Obama, a little girl, and Trump. Opera grabs a parachute and says, "I'm famous, I get one!" And Trump grabs one and says, "Well, I'm president, of course I get one!" Obama looks at the little girl and says, "Since you're the future of our generation, take the last one." The little girl hugs Obama and says, "Actually, we can both have one. Trump took my backpack!"
An orphan finds a genie.
Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."
Genie: "Of course."
Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."
Genie: "Done."
Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"
Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"
If Dusty's dad from Home Alone 2 was in NASA, how come he is not famous?
What's Helen Keller's favorite color?
Corduroy.
Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.
A: Is that why I never see you sweat?