Family jokes
Why do orphans become hookers?
'Cause they can call someone "daddy."
Hi guys, jokes for sister.
So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.
My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.
Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?
When an orphan finds out who their parents are, and then finds out they're dead.
I'm an orphan, so kidnap me.
Why don't orphans have Life360?
Because parents won't track them.
Can an orphan child be arrested for vandalism, or will the officers ask for their parents to talk to?
Why can't orphans go to parents' evening? Because their parents left them.
You are adopted.
No cap. No one loves you.
Bye.
I have a body count of 7.
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data!
Every Dorito bag for orphans is family sized.
What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
Why can an orphan relate to a pack of bananas?
Because they both split away from their family.
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because there is no home plate.
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school?
They do not have parents to bring to parent/teacher conferences.
Why do orphans play baseball?
Because they have to run back to home base.
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.