Family jokes
I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
What’s the difference between video games and my dad?
My dad doesn’t beat me.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
Did you adopt your dog?
So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
At 6, she wanted a happy mama.
At 8, she hated acting like a mom.
At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.
At 11, she wanted to see her mom.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
What is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One of them is picked.
Why did the orphan cross the ride?
I forgot.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
Why do orphans go to church?
They go there to finally call someone "father."
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
Yo mama joke.
Why do the orphans fuck in their cars?
Because they don't know what a home is.
It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.
Why do you not have milk with your Oreos?
Daddy never came back with the milk.
I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.
Why can't orphans go to sleepovers?
Their parents never say yes.
What is an orphan's favorite event?
Homecoming.