Family jokes
Why do I have a fat mom?
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why do orphans not play bingo?
Because they don’t know what a full house is.
Boomerangs come back, but your dad never did.
Why can an orphan relate to a pack of bananas?
Because they both split away from their family.
Why do orphans play baseball?
Because they have to run back to home base.
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Me: *in a family meeting*
Mom: Ok guys...
Me in my mind: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are picked.
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.
Why do orphans play tennis?
It's the only way they get love.
"-JuicyFruitSnacks- A whole lot of pepper and a whole lot of salt. If I blame it on my friends, it won't be my fault."
-Mully- This is my mom left!!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find their way home.
What’s an orphan’s favorite holidays? Mothers’ and Father’s Day.
Why can't orphans go to parents' evening? Because their parents left them.