Family jokes
Why was your mom so into me?
'Cause she was the man.
Repeat after me...
Me: "You have a weird style."
Mom: "You have a weird style."
Me: "Um, not your mirror!" *runs away*
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What's the difference between me and an orphan's parents?
I actually come back with the milk.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
Batman: I’m vengeance.
Dad: Hi Vengeance, I’m dad.
Batman: ...
Dad: Son, it’s been 20 years, please let go.
What does water see in orphans that they don't? Their parents.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home base is.
My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.
I worry about him sometimes.
A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"
Dad said, "It is, Son."
Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"
I don't got free candy. It costs child support.
The reason your dad never came back with the milk is 'cause he ran 88 mph downhill.
Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”
Son: “To the playground?”
Mom: “No, to the morgue.”
So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."
Your mum is a baby, huh? Not a little baby!
Why don't orphan criminals go to jail?
Because they weren't even wanted.
Why can’t orphans eat breakfast? Because there is no parent to feed them.
I found your parent!
What's the difference between me and an orphan?
At least my dad came back.