Family jokes
How do you make a child’s parents happy?
Put the child to sleep.
What are two things orphans can’t have?
Parents.
Guy: Are you gay? I'm orphan.
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because they have no parents to watch them!
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because their parents can't watch them!
My brother when i slap him on the arm. But at the same time they are not about to grow up soft.
Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.
Mom! (DYM 10)
As a kid, I was made to walk the plank.
Because we couldn't afford a dog.
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
Mom!
Mom! (DYM 22)
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
Yo forehead so angled, your mom could walk up.
And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They never can make it home.
Mom! (DYM 7)
"I AM NOT PETER GRIFFIN!"
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, I'm just a burden.
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
Me: I have a dream.
Mom: What?
Me: For you to fucking shut up.