Family jokes
I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
Orphans would be upset if they went to FamilyMart.
'Cause they sell oden, not a family.
Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.
I had a fun funeral / birthday.
this is me
Why can’t orphans go on field trips?
They need a parent's signature.
Mother: We need to talk about sex...
Jason: Oh, sex, tell me what do you wanna know.
Jason had a big whooping from his mother and big spanking from his dad.
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.
Son: Mom, I did the test and I have cancer!
Mom: YOU HAVE CANCER?!
Son: Mom, as my zodiac symbol...
Mom:....
Why can't orphans play cricket? Because they can't find home.
Why does the orphan go to church? He needs someone to call father.
Your mother.
Your mom is fat, oh yeah, oh yeah, uh, uhhh.
A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.
When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?
She borrows her husband's last name.
Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.
Your momma is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch.