Family jokes
One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.
The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
Me: Joe left today.
Orphan: Who's Joe?
Me: Joe mama!
Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.
AKA, you're up for adoption.
"My parents are dead, lol," said the orphan.
Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.
What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and he just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
Why does an orphan play soccer?
Because it's the only love they get.
What is an orphanage's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
Why was the orphan so famous?
Because when they asked him go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is an orphan afraid to play baseball?
They are afraid they won't find home.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!
What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?
Orphan: "My Parents."
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apes get picked.