The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
Family Jokes
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
Incest is wincest.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
Dark humor leave if sensitive: Wives are like grenades: pull the ring, and the house is gone.
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
"Ur mum is big."
Yo momma's so gay, you sucked her balls.
Family feud after finding out about Alabama.
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.
Why can’t orphans go to a field trip?
Parent signature: _________
Why do orphans hate smart kids?
Because the smart kids get their parents' attention.
The orphans all died!!!
Oh wait, no one cares...
Their parents are all dead anyway. We are just making them happier. They get to join their parents in hell.
Q: What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
A: A baseball field has a home base.
Oh, brother!
