Family jokes

What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"

What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.

Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.

Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.

Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.

Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his mother.

Damn, the guy who made the "Whip/Nae Nae" song really made his cousin go Silento.

I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.

No one goes in there without my permission!

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

Why do orphans hate the letter F?

Because the F stands for the family that didn't want them.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

How do you know an orphan is telling the truth?

When they swear on their mother's grave!

Where do orphans go to get a happy meal?

Orph-Donald's.

What does a transgender call his/her parent?

Transparent.

What did the dad say to the kid?

"U got to be kidding me."