Family jokes
"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Thanksgiving
Why can't orphans go to field trips?
Parent Signature_________________
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can’t find home.
Why can't orphans go on a field trip?
They need their parents' permission. 😆😆😆😆😆😆
If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.
Who's the smallest wife??
Micro-wife.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?
She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.
Why does an orphan not play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
What is the difference between a tree and "walk walk home from school and walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home"?
Was your birthday?
Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.
Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."