Family jokes

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

I fucked your mom.

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”

Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”

Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

My dad was a great pilot...

He died in 9/11.

Knock, knock.

(Who’s there?)

Roger.

(Roger who?)

Roger walks away, silently sobbing, having realized his mother’s Alzheimer’s is getting worse!

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?

Getting the water bill.

I told my fam a joke.

They all looked at me weird and one person even said, "I’m sorry!"

I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.

The things you do for your cousins!

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?

Because they don’t have a sister.

My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.

Why do people adopt orphans?

They get cash.

Yo dad is so hairy, people chased him because they thought he was Bigfoot.

Why do orphans like boomerangs so much?

Because they come back.

Why did I buy the orphan an iPhone 12? Because he couldn't get home.

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!