Family jokes
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
Me: Sister, are you wearing makeup?
My sister wearing all the world's makeup.
Sister: Just a little.
Dad: I'm giving all your toys to the orphan kid.
Kid: Why, Dad?
Dad: So you don't get bored.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
POV: Your mum is a bomber.
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
Yo momma so ugly when she the and ugly weird the and she ugly!
Why can't the orphan play baseball?
Because he does not know where home is.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
- Mommy, I want a bicycle!
- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
Why do orphans love table tennis? Because that is the only love they're getting.
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"
Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."
The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."
The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"
Steve Kerr really named his son Nick.
Does a midget count as an orphan?
Why do orphans prefer the monarchy?
Because they could feel the warm[th] of the royal family.
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Why can't orphans steal bases?
Because they can't find home.
One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"
His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."
The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."
One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"