Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.
Family Jokes
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.
Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.
In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.
Why do orphans hate cricket?
Because they can't get a "homerun."
Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?
Because he needs the parent's signature.
I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.
If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.
If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.
I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.
Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?
Because she is a home-y.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
My sis is very funny. Her fave joke is:
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Mr. Nobody." "Mr. Nobody who?" "I just told you!"
My uncle sayEd to me once, "You're my favorite child." And I said, "You mean Nece?" He said, "No, my favorite child."
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
