Family jokes

A: Why did the orphan not come to school today?

B: Because today we had a parent meetup.

Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.

He never sees his kids.

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

I saw a little boy begging for money.

I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents!"

An orphan went on a game show.

The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."

3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?

Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!

I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"

She replied, "Two or three."

Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.

What’s fat, brown, and has no dad?

Ama

My grandpa and your hairline go way back.

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!

Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).

Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).

Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

Why do orphans hate cricket?

Because they can't get a "homerun."

Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?

Because he needs the parent's signature.

I got stuck in the dryer again. Brother, say less.

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

I would rather do my own laundry, not my uncle's laundry, because I ain't no damn butler like Alfred from Batman. I don't live in no damn Batcave by Gotham tity.

Why doesn't the orphan date the girl?

Because she is a home-y.