Family jokes
My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
Ur mom gay lololololololol.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
What did the dad say to the kid?
"U got to be kidding me."
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!
Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting behind the man asks him, “Are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
I was gonna tell you a joke about my abusive dad...
But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊
There are 5 cows in a field. One of them is the mom, the rest are kids. One of the kids walked up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Daisy?" and then a daisy fell on her head.
The second cow came up to the mom and asked, "Why am I named Rose?" and then a rose fell on her head. Then the 3rd cow said, "Why am I named Violet?" then a violet fell on her head. Then the 4th cow walked up and said, "Merrrbere." Then the mom said, "Shutup, cinder block!"
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
Girl: "How do you feel about abortion?"
Dad: "Ask your sister."
Girl: "I don't have a..."
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
What did the stepbrother and stepsister do together?
Oof, mitosis!
What did Allan say to his sister bully when she stepped on his toe? "Mitosis!"
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
Your mom has a bone to pick with me.
What does a transgender call his/her parent?
Transparent.
I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.