What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
Family Jokes
Q: Why did the family want to move out while the neighbors were playing tennis?
A: Because they were a racquet!
What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...
An abortion.
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
Why are mountains so cold?? Your mom lol.
Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.
Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?
Me: Aren't you my son?
Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.
One day, this dad and his son went to a basketball factory, and the son said, "I want to buy some balls." The dad said, "What for?" The son said, "So you can have some balls."
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!
Kid: “What happened to Dad?”
Mom: “He flew into the Twin Towers.”
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
I love your mom and dad's joke! They made it together and called it your name.
Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.
My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes honey?
Daughter: I'm lesbian.
Dad: Ok.
Daughter 2: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?
Son: I do...
My parents love me.
