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Family jokes

What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?

You better not lay a finger on her!

What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?

A dead baby can't feed a family.

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orphan, what are they gonna do... tell their parents?

My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and he just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.

Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.

Dad: What's boofa?

Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

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    • One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.

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    • How do Asian people name their children?

    They throw a pan down the stairs.

    What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.

    Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.