Family jokes

One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"

The sexual shout "Yes Daddy" probably originated in Alabama.

Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.

But she has to. She's his mom.

You wanna know what's a concept? An orphan being homeschooled.

My dad is like a unicorn.

He's never here. :c

A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."

Knock knock. Who's there? Jo. Jo who? Jo Auntie.

If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Penis enters my dad and sister.

My dad left me.

My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.

What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.

I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.

Mom, I’m pregnant.

Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.