Family jokes

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."

You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

Hey Evan, this is Dad. Ya, I’m still not home.

I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.

He didn't show up for the rest of the year.

Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.

Why do orphans have phones?

Because they don't know how to call home.

Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.

AKA, you're up for adoption.

Ooh, I wonder what's on this browser. *clicks* "How to tell your kid they're adopted."

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

Evan, yo mum rode on my big PP love, dad.

Evan David Sandri is gay and he is adopted.

"Send me back, I never liked you."

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

Evan, mom hot?

Your mom gay, Evan.

Mom hot.

Max Alexander Heart is adopted.

Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?

Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.

Boy: Okay, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Brick.

I like my girlfriends like my children: dead.