Family jokes

It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.

You, I didn’t see you there. The pizza place is hunted bad, so you are scared 😱😱😱😱 and so you run and you see your grandma, and you were happy again forever and ever ha ha so funny 😁. The end or is it bye-bye?

Sans: Pap, your spaghetti is bonearific.

PaprUs: Sans, no. Aw, your funny bone is not working; come on, that one was a rib tickler.

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till I realized it is a family business.

I made a website for orphans.

It doesn't have a homepage.

Who likes penis?

My cousin!

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."

I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...

Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?

Son: No.

Dad: It hasn't come out yet.

These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

Me: "I like kids."

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

Once my dad left to get milk, then I realized we own a cow.

When you say to your dad...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Dad be like...

Who wants my son?

Nan be like, "Me!"

Kid be like...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!

What are roux, says nan?

Um, they're your life savings!

Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"

Your mom is gay, just like your dad.

Q: What did the grandma cat say to her grandson when she saw him slouching?

A: You need to pay more attention to my pawsture.