Family jokes
A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
It's not incest if you're adopted.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?
Me time.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.