During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.
What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
"Rapeboat" has six fingers on each hand and one big eyebrow. Signs of inbreeding.
Why was the rapper always late?
Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.
Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.
My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
