Family jokes
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
Y'all heard of Poptarts, eh?
Well why are there no Momtarts?
Because of the PASTRYarchy!
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
It's not incest if you're adopted.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."