Family

Family jokes

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.

What's the difference between yo mama and a fat ugly pig? - I never fucked that fat ugly pig...

What's the difference between me and cancer?

Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.

What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

He didn't come back with the milk.

Why was the rapper always late?

Because he had to drop his kids off at the Rhyme Bus.

Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.