Failure jokes

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

What did God say when he made Jake Paul?

"Oops, I made a mistake."

What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?

Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.

The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.

I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

Why did the retard cross the road?

He never made it!

How do you know if an Asian is a failure?

Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.

What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?

The blue screen of death.

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

Why did the orphan fail all his classes?

He couldn’t do his homework.

If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?

The belt broke.

They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!

- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!

Better than Elanga?

A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."