Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
Ben: I don't know.
Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.
When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.
What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?
Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.
I don’t usually tell 9/11 jokes, they usually crash and burn.
All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.
Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?
The belt broke.
Why did the orphan fail all his classes?
He couldn’t do his homework.
Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
How do you know if an Asian is a failure?
Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.
Why did the retard cross the road?
He never made it!
What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?
The blue screen of death.
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.
I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.
A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
