Failure jokes
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
You: I want my mama.
Me: Soz, you can't even get one.
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
I tried to catch fog today. I mist.
A wild Iceberg appears. Go Titanic! Titanic uses Headbutt. The attack misses. Titanic faints.
Want to hear a joke? My life.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.
I tried to catch fog, I mist...
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...
My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!
I will tell you a joke--your life.
I tried to make a necrophilia joke, but it was dead in the water.
Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).
The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).
The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)
The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)
The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!
The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)
The teen: QUAL (WHICH).
The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).
The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).
*A phone buzzes.*
The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?
Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?
*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*
The teen: HAIR GEL
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
Me: I bombed the 2 tests yesterday.
Friend: What were the tests about?
Me: Japan.
Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.