All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something. Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.
If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?
The belt broke.
Why did the orphan fail all his classes?
He couldn’t do his homework.
Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
How do you know if an Asian is a failure?
Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.
Why did the retard cross the road?
He never made it!
I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.
A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.
If you take a shot, a paper wad, in the trashcan, and call "Kobe!" but miss, it's still a Kobe.
Why did Sally fail her final exam?
Because she had nothing written down.
What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
Asian Grading scale: A- Average.
B- Half Average.
C- Stupid idiot!
D- FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN DO CALCULUS!
F- FORGOTTEN FAILURE! CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT MCDONALDS!
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
