Failing jokes
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?
One depressed kid goes to high-five a tree, but the tree just left him hanging.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Most likely because they can't find home.
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
I FUCKING FAILED THE FUCKING CHALLENGE. FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCKKKKK
Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...
A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"
"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"
They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"
"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"
"GWEN, can you help me? There's some person messing with me. There name is JADSA, something like that. Look for a joke named Jayden."
I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.
Why is America so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
You smell like you farted hard. A, B, Honor Roll, all F’s, you retarded!
Kid: Your mom!
Orphan: (cries)
You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five.
It left him hanging.
That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!
So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."