Failing jokes
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.
Note to self.
When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".
Google "cream pie recipes".
Me sees crazy man hit a old poor person. Me dials 911.
Police: What is that location?
Me: I don't know where is dis location.
Police: Mission failed, we will try again later.
Me: WTH?
Police: Ends call.
Me: Calls hospital.
Hospital: What is that location?
Me: I don't know where is dis location.
Hospital: Mission failed, we will try again later.
Me: WTH IS HAPPENDS EVERY TIME NOW EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE.
Hospital: Hangs up.
Me: Calls fire dEpArTmEnT.
Fire: No fire.
Fire dEpArTmEnT: What is that location?
Me: Hangs up and give up and goes home.
You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.
Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.
Do I sit broken-hearted?
I came to sh*t and only farted.
Operation failed in North Korea, the surgeon died.
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
... YO MAMA SOO, Oh wait...
I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.
Why is the cheetah so bad at hide-n-seek? Because every time she hides, she will always [be] spotted.
Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.
Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?
Then there is me: My life.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
Thankfully, I'm still alive because I fail at everything in life.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.