Facility jokes

Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"

Because it doesn't matter your age.

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.

Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.

So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

One day, a man visited an orphanage.

Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"

The kid cries even harder.

What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?

When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

Why couldn’t the house see?

The blinds were down.

I saw a girl crying. I asked her where her parents were, and she started to cry even more.

Man, I love working in the orphanage.

Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!

How is toilet paper recycled?

Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.

When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.

I saw you when I got chance at the adoption center!

Why should cemeteries be built next to orphanages?

So the orphans can see their parents.

Where are the ping pong balls? Check the bathroom stalls.

How do you spot a blind man in a nudist resort?

It's not hard.

My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.