Facility jokes
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.
I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Why do orphans go to prison?
Because that's their only home.
Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.
I saw a girl crying. I asked her where her parents were, and she started to cry even more.
Man, I love working in the orphanage.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.
One day, a man visited an orphanage.
Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"
The kid cries even harder.
Toilet: hi You: hi what?
So I went up to a crying kid and asked, "Where's your mommy?"
God, I love working at an orphanage.
Where do you bring a canoe that doesn’t feel good?... The boat dock.
How does a disabled kid walk to school?
He wishes he had the facilities to.
I saw you when I got chance at the adoption center!