Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
How does a disabled kid walk to school?
He wishes he had the facilities to.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.
What did the kids say hi to? A slide.
An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."
Why do orphans go to prison. Because that’s their only home
What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?
Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"
Because it doesn't matter your age.
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.
So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
