Face jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I've never had a lentil on my face.

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.

Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Draggin’.

Draggin’ who?

Draggin’ these balls around yo’ face.

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to unlock her phone with her face, it said, "disconnected."

People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?

Seeing one of her students making faces at others in the playground, Mrs. Matthews stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, "When I was a child, I was told if I made ugly faces I would stay like that."

The student looked up and replied, "Well, you can’t say you weren’t warned, Mrs. Matthews!"

Why did they call off the leper hockey game?

There was a face-off in the corner.

What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)

Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.

The direction I'm looking.

You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.

Just not for long!

Ever heard of iLadies? I laid deez nutz on yo' face!

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.

I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.