I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
Your hairline retreats from your face just like all the guys that look at you.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.