Face jokes

What do Priests and School shooters have in common?

They both blast little kids in the face.

You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

Now that I think about it, Jane Doe's story actually makes complete sense. If I were dumb enough to show up blackout drunk for a threesome at a frat party, it'd probably also take me 20 days of regret to realize that being raped is a way better look than a gang-bang straight off of Pornhub.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

Why do orphans look so ugly?

Because they have a face not even a mother could love.

God: (creating elephants) Make it big.

Angel: How big?

God: As big as my d--

Angel: Whoa!

God: Fine, 10 feet tall.

Angel: That's big bu--

God: Put a long thing on its face.

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

Joe mama so fat when she got sturdy, she tripped on her shoelaces, fell on her face, and fell down 2 floors.

A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.

To not be outdone, the blond retorts:

"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"

Slow and steady wins the race...

...but it will never fix your ugly face.

Violets are red, so is your face. I thought I was ugly, but then I saw you.

Your head is so small, even a fly could eat it.

There was 1 gay guy, who kissed 4576 gay guys. Then had sex with them, creaming so hard, all of the dicks cumming on his face.

Then he stopped and had sex again x6, now he was left with...

Yo mama so ugly, when she sweats, the sweat runs down the back of her head to avoid her face.

What the difference between a priest and acne

Acne waits till your 13 to cum on your face

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

Your chin is where I went on ski vacation.

One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.

I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."

Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.