So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.
So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”
Ha, Uranus face!
Not in a racist way tho.
his face
I never liked unnatural adult stars with implants and face surgeries because they look photoshopped, and they always need a ton of lube to get into due to how plastic they are.
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.
And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.
Knock knock who’s there dragon deez nuts dragon deez nuts who? DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family. Right in front of his stupid face.
If BlessedBrian were any more two-faced, he’d be a Rubik’s Cube.
BlessedBrian's face is like a mood ring... it turns blue whenever I'M around.
What do you call a school that can talk?
A school with a face!
A blonde crashes an airplane.
Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?
Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.
Officer: *face palms self*
Also officer: Here's your sign.
What's the artist imagine something?
Imagine Dragons!
Imagine draggin' these nuts across your face!
Wanna see a joke? Open the front-facing camera.
Ugly face dude: Hi kiddo!
Kid: Hi kid. Leaves.
Kid turns back and says: Wait a minute, who are you?
Opponent fist attacks your face, no you can not activate a trap card.
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
I have the funniest joke ever, here it is...
Your face!
The kid was a bit sad, so he was blue.
Teacher asked him, "Why are you so blue?"
The kid replied, "I'm not sad."
Teacher said, "No, your face actually blue."
