I saw your license. It said you're 15.
I checked your face. It says you're 50.
I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.
Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.
One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.
Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.
Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."
A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.
When is the best time to punch a midget in the face?
When he’s standing next to your girlfriend and says your hair smells nice.
Me: "What are you doing??"
Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"
Me: "I don't know."
Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"
Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"
Don't bully kids.
You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.
You got a pig head
Your head is so small, even a fly could eat it.
Your face needs to be put in the trash so people don't need to suffer.
Your face is so big that not even you can see it
What did they find on Chris Rock's face? Fresh prints.
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?
Shut up and comb your face.
What did Sophie Brussaux's baby get every week?
A face full of sperm.
