Expectation jokes
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
Why don’t Asians get stung by bees?
Because they are always expected to get “A’s.”
If I grew a nanometer taller for every 2/10 woman expecting a 6’3”+ guy, I would be considered attractive.💀
A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.
Yeah, that was the punchline.
Memes
i can relate
What is white and 9 inches?
Nothing.
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
I’m not a weatherman, but I’m expecting a few more inches tonight.
Roses are red, violets are blue, she is hot, but you're as ugly as poo.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.
12 months of training completely wasted.
GF: What do you think of our love?
BF: Count the stars in the sky.
GF: Aww... It's infinity!
BF: Nope. It's just a waste of time.
Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.
The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.
The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.