Expectation

Expectation jokes

Mosquito

What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?

They both got a 10% survival rate...

Future

1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."

2019: The flying cars future.

Man

What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?

A margarita hits the spot every time.

Message

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

Memes

Package

Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!

Grade

When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

Laundry

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

Singing

Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?

Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)

Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.

Me: *Confused*

Sister: They're both horrible.

Skeleton

What did one skeleton say to another?

...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?

Marriage

Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."

Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."

Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"

Baby

Wife: “I want another baby.”

Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”

Mirror

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

Man

Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.

Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?

Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.

Man: Shit!

Thief

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

Teacher

Teacher: What’s 2+2?

Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh

Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.

Rose

Roses are red, chocolate is brown,

I expect nothing and still get let down!