Entertainment jokes
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
In memory of Michael Jackson, various ice cream companies are introducing the Jackson Chocolate ice cream. It is either 50 year old cream mixed in with 10 year old nuts, or 7 year old vanilla ice cream with 50 year old chocolate drizzled on 4 year old tiny nuts.
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
Memes
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
Fortnite is gay and rëtarded.
Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.
His parents weren't too happy.
Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?
Lights are hanging.
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
Why can orphans only watch G-rated movies?
Because they have no parental guidance.
What are emos' favorite TV show theme song?
Beyblade, Beyblade, let it rip!
What's an orphan's second favorite movie?
Home Alone 2.
What's an Emo's favorite game? Hangman.
Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?
Seek and Hide: Me.
Figure: Okay, hide and I will hide and Seek will be it.
Seek: Why do I have to be it?
Figure: Because your name says so.
Your hairline is so far back, I couldn't see you even when Will Smith slapped it.
Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!
My friend's mom: Why you bully me?
What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
How does a train dance?
It bogies!