Enough jokes

I speak for the trees.

*Trees whisper in my ear*

They said six million wasn't enough.

If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.

If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.

If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.

The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.

Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.

What did the rapper say to his broken pencil?

"You're just not SHARP enough for my lyrics!"

I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

Why do ableist people hate autistics?

They're scared they'll never be special enough.

Yo mama is so fat that Naruto couldn't make enough shadow clones to surround her.

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.

As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.

Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.

What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?

The back of my hand.

A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."