End jokes

One day at school, little Johnny was not listening, so the teacher came up to him.

Teacher: "At the end of this ruler is someone dumb."

Little Johnny: "Miss, which end were you referring to?"

My brother eats water from the pig factory at 1:00 a.m., and blames a deaf kid, so he ended up going to solitary.

Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.

The only food I want to review is my wife's rear end.

What do you call two brunettes and a blonde in the NFL?

Two tight ends and a wide receiver!

I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.

Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.

I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.

So I ended up doing the YMCA.

What's the resemblance between a microwave and human reproduction?

They both make a sound at the end.

Ever since convicted New York State felon Donald John Trump has taken office, the Canada-US border has been a mess of tariffs, counter-tariffs and boycotts.

And where does it end? I just got served a salad with 500 Islands in the dressing instead of a thousand. The price was the same.

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

A train walks into a bar. It says to the barkeeper, "I'll have a gallon of ale."

"A gallon?" the barkeeper asks.

"Yes," replies the train, "I always end up chugging it."

Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?

He ended with a Black Handed bang.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

What do you call a pencil with no end?..

Pointless.

I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

911.

911 who?

You said you would never forget.

Who knows? Maybe the end of the world will be made in China too.

Pro lifers: End abortion!!!

Pro lifers after school shooting: But not this abortion.

What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?

"That rotten asshole split on me again!"