Emergency

Emergency jokes

Parrot

    • One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

    "Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

    "Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

    "You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

    "Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

    "I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"

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    • Fire

    • I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

    So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

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    • Emergency memes

    Santa

    • So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)

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    • Clock

    • What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?

    WATCH OUT!!!

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    • Toilet Paper

    • It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.

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    • Kobe

    • Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

    Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

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    • Priest

    • A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

    When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"

    The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

    Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

    God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"

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    • Firefighter

    • Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?

    Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?

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    • Pilot

    • pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.

    passengers: *start freaking out*

    pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.

    passengers: *sigh with relief*

    pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.

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    • God

    • *Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

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    • Living Room

    • 911, what's your emergency?

    Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.

    Well, it's not a living room anymore.

    Me: Hangs up.

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