whats the difference of your birth and 911 one was planed
911, what’s your emergency? I asked, and listening to the quiet sobs of a litte kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me” the girl said and cried making me freeze on the spot as i recognized my daughter’s voice.
Did you know that Former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them
What do you do when a woman is choking? Back up a couple inches
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
The 911 people really dint scramble fast enough so they got folded like and omelet
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant. So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida." I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was "You unplugged my life support", that's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
A lady runs into a police station and yells "help, help". I've been graped then a police officer says "Do you mean raped". The girl then replies "No there was a bunch of em".
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
a little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks " whats that" the little boy says that's my little red race car. 10 minutes later the boy looks down and ask's whats that,the little girl says "that's my little red race car garage. so later that night the boy ask's the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage, She say yes and they pull down there pants and the boy try's putting his little red race car in her garage but it won't fit down stairs the mother hears an ear piercing scream and runs up stairs flips on the lights and see's blood on the floor the mother ask's "what happened the little girl say's "we tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit so i cut the back wheels off"
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed anyone know cpr? I said shit I know all the letters of the alphabet. Everyone laughed well except for this 1 guy
Everytime i tell a 911 joke, it bombs
A collection of 911 jokes.
What kinda pizza did they order at 911?
Plane.
What was the colour of 911?
Plane.
What is the fasted way to see 911?
Plane.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
whats the fastest way to get to the hospital? stand in the middle of the road
When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the materinity ward was put on lockdown
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids when he came out the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire , they called him hot wheels
My bother apparently has this thing called "asthma", anyways I took his vape away today and he was lying on the floor gasping for air lol. He must really be addicted to it.
